Ramana! Ramana! Ramana!

“I was 21, my son was just six months old, when there developed some painful growth in my neck. The local doctors at Tanjore could not effect a cure for this. I was then taken to Cuddalore, where my father lived. Cuddalore had a bigger hospital, and I was examined there. They diagnosed the growth to be a tumor that had to be immediately operated and removed. However, the tumor was in such a place that the surgery was very risky. The surgeon said that there was every risk of injuring some nerve, which might affect the brain itself… But there was no option and I was admitted to the hospital for surgery. Surprisingly, I wasn’t worried. Although my son was just six months, and my life was a serious question mark, I wasn’t feeling any sense of depression arising out of attachment to my child, nor any other worry. Somehow, I was not perturbed at all. I just submitted myself to whatever was asked of me.

On the day of the surgery, I was lying down on the operating table, when the doctor came to administer anesthesia… He asked me to count one-two-three etc to calm the mind as it slipped into unconsciousness. But instead of doing that, I started saying ‘Ramana! Ramana! Ramana!’ Quite involuntarily. It is not that I wanted to pray to him. It just happened that I spoke his name … And then I had a ’special’ experience… I was walking, my hands cupped in front of me, seeking Ramana, taking his name, walking towards him… And I slipped into unconsciousness…

The operation was completed. And as I emerged from unconsciousness, to the utter surprise of all people around me, I woke up with a feeling of great joy. This joy lasted for a long while after the surgery….

My mother asked me about it… And I told her the reason.

Sometime during the surgery, I had a vivid experience. In that experience, I was a small baby. And Bhagavan was holding me. Head to toe, I fitted within the cup of his two hands. And he was looking at me with great love…It was exhilarating… It was that joy that I woke up with…”

~ Pankajamma, describing her experiences with Bhagavan Ramana to gkamesh. Please see this or this.